Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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