Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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