Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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