I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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