I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
