Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high enough for therapy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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