Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
