6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
