I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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