i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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