just come out here and I will go home with you...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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