def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize