as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
