there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
