y did u give ur computer a hand job?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
