just tell him i said nine months
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
