A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
