just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
