I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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