Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
