Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
