well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
