I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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