know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
