Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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