I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I am morally bankrupt
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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