just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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