I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
