I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
