do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
