Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
