Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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