I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
