Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
NoShamevember. You game?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
