she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize