just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
this hospital has no fireball
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
