I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
