my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
