yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
