shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
