"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
