Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
