worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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