I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
