I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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