Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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