Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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