i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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