oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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