...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
