we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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