If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
