Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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