so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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