I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
