I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
