you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
