Define "chronic" masturbator.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
