Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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