can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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