you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
