i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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