everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
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It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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