Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
