My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
