College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
