Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
