There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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