i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
