There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
