I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
