I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
