We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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