Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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