i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
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I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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