oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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