this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
