My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
