Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
